Date Everything! Review
Few games have ever made me consider whether I’d rather date a poetic lamp or the concept of Time. “Date Everything!”, the debut title from Sassy Chap Games and published by Team17, throws all genre conventions out the window in favor of something far more surreal: a sandbox dating simulator where everything, and I mean everything, is a potential romantic partner. The game is sincere, strange, occasionally exhausting, and ultimately one of the most original indies I’ve played in a long time. The setup is already a statement. You’ve just lost your job to AI, and your customer service degree isn’t going to get you far in the new economy. But before despair fully sets in, a mysterious package arrives at your door. Inside are the “Dateviators”, a magical pair of glasses that transform your entire house into a dating playground. Suddenly, every object around you is alive, talkative, and potentially datable.
The roster is absurdly large: a hundred datable characters, all fully voice acted (with some pretty notable voices too), each with their own branching narratives and all have at least three endings. Some of the characters are everyday household objects like a charming toaster, a loyal vacuum cleaner, or a confident traffic cone. Others are more abstract, like the quirky void of space, the romantic idea of love, or the enigmatic concept of time. I found myself genuinely charmed by a nostalgic cassette tape who oozes retro vibes and enjoyed the variety of tones the game strikes, from goofy, to sweet, to occasionally reflective. There’s a healthy dose of humor running throughout, with what feels like endless puns and offbeat writing that match the game’s anything-goes premise. One moment I was chatting with a shopping cart who dreams of adventure, and the next I was trading thoughts with a potted plant who speaks in calm, growth-oriented metaphors. Each object has its own vibe and voice, and while not every one clicked with me personally, the sheer creativity on display kept me coming back to see who, or what, I’d meet next.
Structurally, “Date Everything!” plays like a narrative sandbox. You’re free to explore the house and start conversations with any datable item you find. Building relationships gradually earns S.P.E.C.S points, which you’ll need to unlock more paths and character routes. This system works fine early on, but toward the end of my time with the game, I started to feel the weight of repetition, especially when I had to talk to characters I wasn’t particularly interested in just to continue progressing. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it does make the final stretch feel a bit more like a checklist than a natural extension of the story. The pressure of how much time in the day sometimes got to me, as you plan out your dates in advance and your schedule can get full rather quickly. Visually, “Date Everything!” is colorful and imaginative. Each character is designed with exaggerated features that match their personality, whether it’s a pair of sunglasses radiating confidence or a hot sauce bottle with a fiery temper. Combined with the expressive voice work, the presentation helps each object stand out even in a crowded cast.
That cast, however, is also the game’s biggest challenge. Juggling a hundred characters is an ambitious task, and while there’s a lot of variety, some personalities inevitably feel flatter or less developed than others. “Date Everything!” is strongest when it finds ways to connect its characters back to the environment, making the house feel like a living ecosystem full of competing interests, awkward interactions, and the occasional unlikely connection. One of the more surprising elements is how clearly the game takes a stance against AI-generated content. The story begins with automation taking your job, and from there, the game leans into hand-crafted writing, original voice performances, and a very human sense of humor. It’s not subtle, and it doesn’t try to be. The point is clear: this is a game made with intention and personality, not something churned out by an algorithm.
Technical hiccups were minimal during my time with the game, though I did run into a few slowdowns and navigation issues while moving through the house. The game’s interface does a decent job of keeping track of relationships and progress, but with so many characters, it’s easy to lose track of who you’ve already dated or what outcomes you’re still chasing. Still, those small issues never outweighed the sheer originality of the experience. “Date Everything!” is not a conventional dating sim, and it was never meant to be. It’s a strange, charming, and proudly ridiculous experiment that somehow works. For anyone who has a good sense of humor and a soft spot for creative indie titles, it’s definitely worth a spin. Even if I never quite figured out where I stood with the traffic cone, I’m glad I took the time to find out.
8/10
For more information, visit HERE
Related: Reviews by Nick Navarro
Gaming since I was given an original Nintendo as a kid. I love great storytelling and unique ingenuity. When both collide in a single game, I'm a happy gamer. Twitter/IG @NickNavarro87
More Stories
Bravely Default Flying Fairy HD Remaster for Nintendo Switch 2
Visit the Bungie Store to Celebrate Bungie Day 2025, Sale Ends July 15
Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 + 4 Incorporates Accessibility, Quality of Life, and Customization Options